Posts tagged helmstuck
Posts tagged helmstuck
Your name is JOHN EGBERT. Today is simultaneously the worst and most important day of your life, but you will get to that in a minute. You are the son and HEIR to a peasant blacksmith, and you have spent the entirety of your existence in the quaint, rustic village of GENERICVILLE. The sweaty, dirty toil of metalcraft which you have been born into occupies the bulk of your time, but you also have a variety of APPROPRIATELY MEDIEVAL INTERESTS. Befitting one of your low class, you enjoy CLEVER CARD TRICKS and TALL TALES, particularly those involving SPECTRAL LORE. You are a cunning trickster and will proudly defend your PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT until your DYING BREATH. Although you have a good life here, sometimes you feel like you’re destined for SOMETHING MORE.
You’re not thinking about any of that right now, though.
Right now, you’re thinking about the achingly familiar face before you, and how much more reassuring it looked when it was not attached to a corpse.
This is so completely illegal.
You’re not sure why you said that, but still, this is incredibly sad! Your beloved NANNA, patient and nurturing guide and guardian for all of your sixteen years, has just gone the way of all flesh. Bit the big one. Cashed in her chips. Or, to use the vernacular of your neighbours to the east, SHE HAS KICKED THE BUCKET.
(You don’t use language like that out loud, though. Nobody does, not unless they want to get a rapier through their throat.)
One way or another, this was like the fastest mentor death ever, and the grisly scene before you was clearly the result of no workplace accident (which are actually responsible for a whopping 37% of untimely medieval deaths, second only to battles against evil wizards). These particular grievous wounds scream murder, and murder most foul.
What will you do?
Well gee, it’s not like you lose a beloved guardian and role model every day, is it?
But anyway you don’t recall ever saying it was the most important day of your life. The worst, definitely. But the most important? You have your whole life ahead of you; it would take some kind of critical personal decision on your part for you to call it the most important day, like undertaking an epic quest or something ridiculous like that which will probably never happen.
That sort of thing only happens in stupid idiot stories for stupid idiots.
That sounds like a much more useful idea!!!
You remind yourself that turning into a blubbering mess won’t help anyone do anything at all, then decide to focus on what’s important: figuring out what happened to your poor old Nanna.
You don’t feel like looking at all that blood any more, so you decide to check your surroundings for clues. The door to the nearby smithy is open. Your Nanna was probably about to light the forge for the day when she was interrupted by, well, death.
You give the smithy a quick inspection, keeping your tender young eyes peeled for anything that might be out of place, but everything seems to be in order.
YOU DO, AND YOU PRACTICE WITH THEM THREE HOURS A DAY